FINDING HEAVEN IN THE DARK – CHAPTER 9 – AN INVITATION TO OPENNESSPublished September 16, 2019
AN INVITATION TO OPENNESS page 191
I was learning to evolve and become
better. It began with change. There was a deep mystery within the
universe of my mind that I wanted to understand.
Old Bill perceived that there was a change in my attitude toward
him. I forgave him by letting go of my resentment. I stopped playing
the game, because I could see that we were both acting out of com-
pulsions that fed our darker natures. Through my growing patience
and insight (attributed to my meditation exercises), I grasped how
helpless I was before my most powerful emotions. I couldn’t hate Old
Bill, because I understood that he was a prisoner of the same weak
I had little to do with the changes that occurred in me, except in
my attempts to “be still and know.” I had faith that God was at work
in my life, because I was letting things go that I used to justify for my
private little angers.
Old Bill was confounded by my modified behavior. I acceded
my resentment of his stares, my desire to put him in his place, and
the storm clouds of anger forming in my mind. Let it go! I refused
to indulge myself with judging him, right there, in the heat of bat
tle. I sought to center myself in the present moment. “Dear God,
help me to be still and realize his hatred, without hating him back.”
If I hate the hater, I become an extension of that hate and dimin-
ished by it.
I wasn’t always successful, but each confrontation throughout the
day, when he tried to get my goat, there was less of a goat to get. I
watched him play friend or foe in an attempt to lock me into playing
the judgment game. I was learning to love Old Bill when I didn’t
respond to his anger with anger. This act was the forgiveness factor
of the divine mathematics of God. One from two, leaves one—alone.
Who he was spoke louder than what he said. Therefore, Old Bill’s
weak attempts to pretend to respect me were exposed by my unemo-